New yrs thoughs and resolutions

OK a new yr.. Hopefully a new perspective and a new way of life.. wahehehe.. sana lang.. on the past new yr days I was always given false promises false hopes.. this new yrs day was different though.. Reality was given to me in a silver platter(sp?).. sad thoughts enter my mind as people counted down.. For the first time our family doesn't have fireworks.. ni isa wala.. as in nada!.. this sadden me greatly for the fact that our family really enjoys those stuffs and we are commonly the star during new yrs.. this gave me the feeling of complete loss.. Are we that poor.. ok I'm over exagerating.. but are we in that deep shit that we can't afford such silly things.. For the past 19 yrs of my life I have lived not in luxury but in great comfort (money wise that is).. I don't have everything but I don't lack the essentials.. I have lived knowing that I was not rich but I was well off.. Knowing people that are called elites.. brushing shoulders with them, kissing their cheeks.. I know for sure that my life style was not that normal.. But in a sudden twist of event we are in this position right now.. and I don't know how to accept this fact.. just realizing this matter is already taking a big part of my energy.. suddenly realizing everything... that we didn't have a feast last christmas (me being blind back then with too much anger).. having my first threat of an allowance cut (I took this one as a joke.. which I now know is not).. they having a hard time buying me what I need (this actually made me angry then..) lots of stuff ran into my mind.. and now I can't help but feel guilty cause I know for a fact that I am lost.. People say I'm the black sheep of the family( I am just different).. I did grew up in a different environment than then.. They being treated as elites in cebu and I as a normal person in manila.. studying in a normal school though not a public school..(w/c is one of the things I don't regret happening).. basta madami pa.. lililiwanagan na ko ng araw dito pag inexplain ko lahat.. basta ayun.. hopefully this yr would be more fruitful than the last.. now I'll start with my goals and resolutions for the yr..

+For me not to fail another subject (pls nagmamakaawa ako na matupad toh)
+read atleast 20 fiction books
+try to buy a digi cam
+Subukang hindi maging self centered or narci (wahehehe.. puro ako puro ako.. :D)
+To have a different enjoyment (dapat di na puro soro)
+Be more artistic
+To take life more seriously (matanda ka na!!)
+To go out more often and see the world
+Try not to sleep all day long
+Be more free...
+Try to act my age.. w/o forgetting my principles..
+I'll definitely do the highlights this yr
+Forget my family.. I mean what my family says
+to try to look at the positive side of life
+and I try not to search for love